The fact is that I am still growing into the person that I shall become and I feel that this involves growing out of the expectations that I have of people, including even myself and how we invest ourselves in each other.
I'm learning that these experiences can have negative and wonderful effects on who I am, which in turn develops my social paralysis further because I have an ideal of how people should treat each other and slowly for better or for worse-I have learnt that it can never be perfect. So, this post is dedicated to the stuttering, mumbling messes of social interaction who are not the cutesy awkward Zooey Deschanel type but an odd jumble of long silences and interrupter of deep conversations. You are my people.
I could write a dissertation on the amount of terribly debilitating social paralysis that has occurred within my lifetime which has caused people to literally physically dance/ jazz hand their way out of a conversation- all whilst looking at me like I have a Lady Gaga style shrimp hat on my head. But, this exercise in self deprecation although humorous, would probably just open a Pandora's box of awkwardness that would make David Brent look like a pageant Queen of conversation. Instead, I thought I would write about how I grew to love (still in process) my horrible conversation starters-'So, How's it hanging? ' and my incessant ranting with nearly complete strangers. Well, where to start, I think it's just embracing the notion that as cliche ridden as it sounds no one is you and this means that every socially awkward bone in you has your trademark. Embrace yourself, especially the 'flaws' that people seem to dislike so much because these flaws will fade and sometimes will grow into something that is beautiful and rare.
People are just as manically awkward as you are- they just hide it in a more impressive fashion. An important factor in embracing your blundering self is knowing that everyone around you has these gawky ticks- by knowing this, I feel that the daunting task of introducing yourself at a house party becomes a level footing-even if it feels like you are a fish out of water.
On a practical note, if you are gripped by silence when you meet with a new acquaintance and it feels like an eternity before you can say something, this ones for you. Don't twiddle your thumbs and wait for the other person to say something- chances are they are probably thinking the same thing, just...GO FOR IT. It's a simple solution that often I push to the back of my mind because it's feels like a nose dive into social Siberia if you make the first move for conversation. But, in all honesty when you handle a conversation, even if it falls flat into an inferno of deliberate coughing to mask silence it will feel like a victory. These small achievements are fleeting but to an introvert like myself they are in all honesty the all singing, all dancing style finale of Mamma Mia feel good moment of that party/lecture/life in general even if it ends with a shuffling away.
Soundtracks are also important, music is a beautiful remedy for violently nervous nodding and heart pounding muteness.
This playlist is for your powerwalk into what feels like a trap, the songs for when you feel like you have no voice at all and the late night walks after a house party where you were the life and soul of the party.
'Be yourself. The world worships the original'. - Ingrid Bergman
People are just as manically awkward as you are- they just hide it in a more impressive fashion. An important factor in embracing your blundering self is knowing that everyone around you has these gawky ticks- by knowing this, I feel that the daunting task of introducing yourself at a house party becomes a level footing-even if it feels like you are a fish out of water.On a practical note, if you are gripped by silence when you meet with a new acquaintance and it feels like an eternity before you can say something, this ones for you. Don't twiddle your thumbs and wait for the other person to say something- chances are they are probably thinking the same thing, just...GO FOR IT. It's a simple solution that often I push to the back of my mind because it's feels like a nose dive into social Siberia if you make the first move for conversation. But, in all honesty when you handle a conversation, even if it falls flat into an inferno of deliberate coughing to mask silence it will feel like a victory. These small achievements are fleeting but to an introvert like myself they are in all honesty the all singing, all dancing style finale of Mamma Mia feel good moment of that party/lecture/life in general even if it ends with a shuffling away.
Soundtracks are also important, music is a beautiful remedy for violently nervous nodding and heart pounding muteness.This playlist is for your powerwalk into what feels like a trap, the songs for when you feel like you have no voice at all and the late night walks after a house party where you were the life and soul of the party.
1 Power-Kanye West 2 One way or another- Blondie 3 Go your own way- Fleetwood Mac 4 Freakum dress-Beyonce 5 I'm the best- Nicki Minaj 6 Werkin' Girls-Angel Haze 7 Let's Dance-David Bowie 8 Hit me with your best shot-Pat Benatar 9 Infinity Guitars-Sleigh Bells 10 Cherrybomb-The Runaways 11 Take me as I am-Au Revoir Simone
'Be yourself. The world worships the original'. - Ingrid Bergman
